Validating The Ventilator

One of the things I remembered as being very affective when I was with Neighbors Who Care (see my profile), was the simple technique involving listening to the victim’s story. Sometimes they wanted to complain, sometimes they wanted to express anger, sometimes they simply wanted to talk about their experience. The simple act of being there for them meant so much, especially when you let them know they could say anything without fear of condemnation or doubt.

You may be in a position to help a victim of crime, and if you do this one thing, you will be amazed at how often it provides needed salve on a hurting wound. It is important to reassure a victim that they are free to say anything, which means you need to be the kind of person who can be trusted. Confidentiality is a fundamental requirement when working with people who have been violated in personal, and sometimes, very intimate ways.

Are you a good listener? If you have heard the term” active listening,”? then you are aware of the tool used to properly validate a victim’s experience. They may tell you about a rape, or they may tell you about how the house was burglarized, but whatever they tell you, it is the job of the one who is validating, the active listener, to remain attentive, and most importantly, to provide that personal connection that reassures the victim that no matter what the circumstances were, they are not the person in the wrong.

Believe it or not, some victims of crime feel a sense of wrong doing. They feel they should have done this, or they shouldn’t have done this. Or, if they’d only stayed home, or if they’d only… Crime is wrong, it is a product of a fallen earth, and the fact is, people will succumb to being victims of crime. But, it is not their fault, that is, the act of being victimized is not their fault in the higher sense of good versus evil—criminal versus victim.

A girl may walk down an alley behind a bar at three in the morning, dressed in a mini-skirt and halter top, and if she is raped, the guilt is usually placed on her. “If you hadn’t dressed like that…” or, “If you hadn’t been walking down that alley.” The truth is, rape is rape, robbery is robbery, and murder is murder. The offender is the guilty party, and not the victim. Granted, it’s probably not wise to put yourself in harms way, but that still doesn’t justify the crime. And, it shouldn’t minimize how we help a victim deal with the aftermath of their victimization.

Perhaps you feel like you could offer this needed support to a crime victim. If you are not good at listening, or are tempted to gossip, think twice. But, if you really want to do this, even if you think you may be a little weak, find a local class on active listening, and work on keeping confidences. You can talk to someone in your counties District Attorney’s office, perhaps even their Victim Witness Services arm, and find if they offer any volunteer training on helping crime victims. Just remember, a victim is not the guilt party, no matter what circumstances were involved. Your listening ear, and your love to help others, and especially, your willingness to serve the needy as Christ did, may make a big difference in a hurting life.

First Sin--First Crime

Most Christians, and most non-Christians, know at least the basic story of Adam and Eve. According to the bible, they were the first human beings to walk on planet earth, living in idyllic splendor in the Garden of Eden.

Tempted by the fallen angel, Satan, they disobeyed God and committed the “first sin,” or original sin. But, all things considered, let’s just call this sin, a direct interaction with Satan, original sin, and the next sin to be committed the “first sin.”

Adam and eve’s first sons were Cane and Able. Cane envied his brother Able so much he murdered him. This, in many ways, was the first sin, at least at a purely human level. It was also the first crime committed.

It’s not too surprising that crime, the “first sin,” is such a plague on humanity given this understanding.

Crime, sin, is not something we can lay solely at Satan’s feet. Not that grievous crimes committed today can’t be attributed to demonic influence, but in reality, no crime today occurs under quite the same circumstances as did the original sin. Years ago, a well known TV personality popularized the phrase: “the devil made me do it.” If it were that simple, humans would be off the hook.

One of the most frequently asked questions (and sometimes not asked) is, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ If God exists, how could something like this happen? God can’t exist, because if He did, my brother wouldn’t have been murdered, or my sister wouldn’t have been raped, or my grandmother wouldn’t have been robbed, or. . . .

I don’t think this question will ever be answered at the human level. By this I mean, it’s something only God knows, and as long as we occupy earthly real estate and are cloaked in human skin, we simply will never know why bad things happen to, not only good people, but to other bad people too.

If you have been victimized, you are perhaps experiencing pain and anger like never before. You now know the frustration and helplessness that keeps the sun from shining inside your heart like it once did. Your daily thoughts, even your actions, seem altered or uninteresting all of the sudden. The event, the circumstances, go around and around inside your head, ultimately giving life to hatred, depression, even suicide.

If violence took a loved one from your life, you may have one of the hardest roads to travel. Time, and solidarity with other people who grieve as you are grieving, may be what you need. Seek a local grieving support group. The District Attorney’s office, or even a local church, will probably know of a group. Don’t keep it inside, take steps to free yourself of burdens you don’t need to carry.