Validating The Ventilator

One of the things I remembered as being very affective when I was with Neighbors Who Care (see my profile), was the simple technique involving listening to the victim’s story. Sometimes they wanted to complain, sometimes they wanted to express anger, sometimes they simply wanted to talk about their experience. The simple act of being there for them meant so much, especially when you let them know they could say anything without fear of condemnation or doubt.

You may be in a position to help a victim of crime, and if you do this one thing, you will be amazed at how often it provides needed salve on a hurting wound. It is important to reassure a victim that they are free to say anything, which means you need to be the kind of person who can be trusted. Confidentiality is a fundamental requirement when working with people who have been violated in personal, and sometimes, very intimate ways.

Are you a good listener? If you have heard the term” active listening,”? then you are aware of the tool used to properly validate a victim’s experience. They may tell you about a rape, or they may tell you about how the house was burglarized, but whatever they tell you, it is the job of the one who is validating, the active listener, to remain attentive, and most importantly, to provide that personal connection that reassures the victim that no matter what the circumstances were, they are not the person in the wrong.

Believe it or not, some victims of crime feel a sense of wrong doing. They feel they should have done this, or they shouldn’t have done this. Or, if they’d only stayed home, or if they’d only… Crime is wrong, it is a product of a fallen earth, and the fact is, people will succumb to being victims of crime. But, it is not their fault, that is, the act of being victimized is not their fault in the higher sense of good versus evil—criminal versus victim.

A girl may walk down an alley behind a bar at three in the morning, dressed in a mini-skirt and halter top, and if she is raped, the guilt is usually placed on her. “If you hadn’t dressed like that…” or, “If you hadn’t been walking down that alley.” The truth is, rape is rape, robbery is robbery, and murder is murder. The offender is the guilty party, and not the victim. Granted, it’s probably not wise to put yourself in harms way, but that still doesn’t justify the crime. And, it shouldn’t minimize how we help a victim deal with the aftermath of their victimization.

Perhaps you feel like you could offer this needed support to a crime victim. If you are not good at listening, or are tempted to gossip, think twice. But, if you really want to do this, even if you think you may be a little weak, find a local class on active listening, and work on keeping confidences. You can talk to someone in your counties District Attorney’s office, perhaps even their Victim Witness Services arm, and find if they offer any volunteer training on helping crime victims. Just remember, a victim is not the guilt party, no matter what circumstances were involved. Your listening ear, and your love to help others, and especially, your willingness to serve the needy as Christ did, may make a big difference in a hurting life.